i have been writing in/ reading my regular journal, just becuase its something i dont have to worry about anyone reading. but i was reading it last night, and i decided that i havnt been updating this enough, so heres some exerpts from my regualar diary. goodness i have changed so much, like when i first started writing i was really all depressed and sad, and i look on my more recent entrys and its like lalala i went to the park today.
December 1st, 2004: "...Why would i let a guy alter my life for the worse? why would i let him hurt me so much that i bring myself down to his level? why does he have the power to change who i am and make me someone i'm not?" "...I feel the only person that understands me anymore is jayme, we are both the same but all so diffrent, i feel that we are both trying to be people we arn't, to please people. we want to make people happy but in scarifice to our own happiness, i want to be all these people that i cant be..."
Febuary 1st, 2005 "...its so weird how you don't miss something till its gone. Never knew i would miss someone that i took for granted when i had them..." "...jamie got all blunt with me today, told me to give up, i ended up blocking him, then felt to guilty and decided that i couldnt have him blocked, and i unblocked him."
Febuary 15th,2005 "...I feel like i annoy marya all the time, maybe its just me being retarded." "...I miss the old him, although marya was telling me about how close they where and it made me think that maybe if we were still friends that maybe we would be that close now."
Febuary 21, 2005 "..i am going crazy, im actually about to go insane, im a fucking nutcase, i have snapped, gone crazy...I feel so tied down, like i can't do anything. I hate this..."
March 2nd, 2005 "...I dont even deserve to talk to him, hes like a piece of art, nice to look at but you cant touch, i fell for another sam, this sucks..." "..I feel like i smother people, jamie, jason, marya, etc. i feel like i talk to them too much, or im them too much like i cant let them breathe..." March 7th, 2005 "...I hate it when people show me pity, and i use it as some kind of nourishment, when in reality is a poison that makes the strongest of us weak..." "...I am in awe of your perfection...perfection that only i see."
ok that was lame i know, its just easier to do that than write all about the past like four months.